Friday Funnies

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?" The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"



Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank–proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.



What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in France? Linoleum blownapart.



Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.



An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two-story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."



What happens when you have 1) nothing to do, 2) a sharp knife, 3) a large lime, 4) a patient cat, 5) too much tequila, 6) and it's football season?